End Of The Road

My wife told a joke today. It wasn’t her intention and I didn’t laugh.

She said she heard multiple reports of people vowing to change their lives after the specter of the Coronavirus passes. (Needle approaching bubble in 5…..4…..3……2……) Skeptically, I view vows like these as no different than the annual New Year’s resolution. Those typically lose their steam in less than 3 months. To be fair, I have had earth shattering circumstances in my life that have forced me to make wholesale changes to my eating habits, health goals, finances, and relationship circles so I will attest it is possible.

If a goal is to travel more because it hasn’t been an option for you in about three months (even if you weren’t planning to any way), then these are the kind of reasons the skeptic rears his ugly head. If a goal is to invest more in relationships and being more “human” towards others, this is the kind of reason that keeps the skeptic in me at bay. We all need goals, right?

Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 7:8 that the “ending of a thing is better than the beginning of it”. We can’t generally discern how something will end based solely on how it began. I was born and reared in a place that I, by all accounts, should never have survived. That example, just like major events happening in our world today, are stark reminders of how limited our understanding of what God is doing in our lives. We are being taught to never despite the “small beginnings”. I am a very fallible man but blessed beyond any measure I could have determined or planned for myself. I never saw this coming and I don’t deserve any of it. I’m just a grateful recipient of a grace I daily struggle to understand.

I’m in the latter aspects of a season where I’m face to face with some “small” endings. I am surrounded with perspective because I chose the microscope over my natural sight. I wanted to understand the “why”. If we consider this seriously, we’ll know it to be true in our own lives. Perspective is only limited by where we are standing and the direction and angle we view a thing. Someone could be standing yards away or from a higher vantage point and see the same thing just differently.

One of the most earth shattering moments came this year when I nearly died on my living room floor. By all accounts, I was supposed to be a goner. The cause was a combination of things but my blood pressure shot to a very dangerous place as I was battling what was deemed a minor illness. Once I recovered, I didn’t make a lot of broad proclamations but I needed a mirror check in the worst way. Every job I sought, every place I lived, every hobby I invested time into, and every person I invited into my life was to fulfill my view of what I thought my life was supposed to be. When I realized my view was warped and only satisfied my selfish goals, everything changed.

I no longer desire my own will. I don’t want the positions and I don’t want the comforts of a cushy life. I don’t want friends that stay because of what I can do for them. I don’t want status as a VIP or a dignitary with clout and influence. I want to use the little influence I have to make a difference that lasts.

It’s been said that the definition of insanity is to do the same things over and over with expectation of a different result. It’s a wise person that knows when you’ve done all you can do and when you’ve been ineffective on the path you’ve been traveling. It’s an even wiser person that recognizes when their inability to flourish is because we’ve had our eyes on the wrong prize.

It’s going to happen to us all at some point. The end of the road is not far from us all.

“Look at how great a love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children. And we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn’t know Him. Dear friends, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet been revealed. We know that when He appears, we will be like Him because we will see Him as He is.” (I John 3:1-2 HCSB)