How To Live In A Post-Corona World

Life, in and of itself, brings us twists and turns and enough shock value to last us a lifetime but what life does accomplish, even for the uninitiated, is always and never fails to do is provide opportunities to learn, to turn, to grow, and to evolve.

Almost a year ago, I have left the corporate and government contracting world. More aptly put, I ran out of the building screaming as if I was on fire. I had simply had enough of that kind of life. I was stressed. I was angry. I was discontented. And I was simply unhappy. So I took a little break and went into the world of staffing and recruiting, which I found out within one week was the same kind of work I ran away from less than a year prior. I suppose if you need a visual, I was the guy that walked through the revolving door in an office building but I never get in nor do I ever get out. I just keep going around in a circle. I was right back where I started just on a smaller scale but the stress, the anger, and the lack of fulfillment was still palpable for me.

Unbeknownst to me, somewhere across the world, someone was coughing, complaining of fever, and joint pain, someone was losing their sense of smell and taste, someone was dying. While I was working diligently to build a new career, “it” was happening, “it” was spreading, “it” was reaching out its hand to touch another life. Not more than a month from that, as I sat at my desk at the tail end of a really good day, my boss called me into her office. She was unable to look me in the eye and I instantly knew what this meant. Within several uncomfortable seconds, I was being laid off due to budget cuts relating to the Coronavirus outbreak. Life provided the twist and turn. I had to go home and tell my wife that I didn’t have a job, which also meant I didn’t have a check.

Now I had to see the opportunity in this. I was sitting at home with no immediate prospect for money. I couldn’t get anyone from the Unemployment department on the phone. And I was getting multiple phone calls saying that my loved ones were either sick or had died from complications relating to something called Covid-19.

And here is where many Americans find themselves. Americans just like me. And some in much worst circumstances. Now the vicious cycle begins.

According to a U.S. Chamber of Commerce poll on http://www.debt.org, “approximately 43% of small businesses likely will close permanently within the final six months of 2020. When July began, nearly 100 companies with more than $100M in debt had filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, according to the American Bankruptcy Institute, which includes “department stores, hotels, cruise lines, rental car companies, airlines, restaurants, and movie theaters.”

Even in that, you can clearly see that the majority of the activities you enjoyed outside of your home and your home state were in the crosshairs of this pandemic. That means besides maybe a drive to the grocery store, or a nice walk through the community, you were relegated to the four walls of home. Home might be where the heart is but it is also where the overwhelming thoughts are, and the stack of hospital bills are, and the frenetic energy of children not able to go to school or day care are, and where you are reminded that so many could lose everything if positive change doesn’t come quickly. That isn’t likely to be a remedy provide by your local unemployment department.

Statistics complied from The Pew Research Center (pew research.org – Rakesh Kochhar ) indicated that more than 20.5 million Americans were unemployed in the month of May alone and the unemployment rate skyrocketed to 13% in the same month. This was the second highest rate in the post-World War II era. These numbers are greater than the Great Recession (December 2007-June 2009). Add to this to the threat of infection, short term illness, and perhaps even death, this resembles a “worst case scenario” to most folks. That’s what a world with coronavirus in it looks like. But even with all that I have personally experienced, I still possess a modicum of optimism that this will not last forever, that the state we’re in is not our new normal. So what can we expect on the other side of this pandemic?

1. Take Stock Of Your Situation
   I’m not a big advocate of getting all of my news from the news so to speak. The local news can be discouraging, confusing, and downright scary. You may hear a round of new statistics, Coronavirus cases, unemployment rises and dips, and the accompanying political rhetoric as well. But what is your situation? What does your financial situation say? Have you been adept at saving money? Does your family employ wise spending habits? Many of us are forced to be reactive now that we’re faced with unemployment, bankruptcy and our local boutiques and Mom and Pops store closing for good. But what is your specific situation? Do you have enough savings or emergency funds to last your household three months? Six months? Nine months? A year? Look at your finances rather than the television set and assess where you specifically are. If you never paid that any attention, now is an ideal time for a full update.
2. Develop a Strategy
   Now that you can clearly see where you are financially, what is the next step? I’m suggesting, from personal experience, develop a strategy. My wife and I sat down after we combed through a sea of bills and debts and after we finished lamenting our precarious situation, we started to craft a plan. Since no one (and I emphasize NO ONE) truly knows how long this pandemic will adversely affect us, we wanted to get a broad view of how long we could survive with all these changes in mind. If we had to use our savings, how long would that last? Can we survive on three square meals a week? Will we have to eat peanut butter and jelly every day until? Should we become temporary vegetarians until we can afford meat again? We thought about almost every scenario. Get some paper and a pen and sit down with your family if you haven’t already. Tighten up your boot straps. Cut out the unnecessary items no matter how much you love and NEED them. What can you do reasonably without? Include that in your plans. You might have to adopt a minimalist mentality until this storm passes.
3. Think Contingencies
   Even though you are probably the best hairdresser in your city or the best travel agent in your town, you may not be able to use those incredible skills. I asked myself the same question that I am asking you today: What do you do when you can’t do what you absolutely love to do? To some, even the very thought is torturous but it’s a reality for us in this season. I have a nearly 20 year background in Administrative and Operations along with being a creative writer and author for more than three decades. What if I can’t do any of those things anymore? What if there just isn’t a place for that while we are quarantined? I began to consider how can I make that plan we crafted together with the family work. Can I cast aside ego and bag groceries at the local supermarket where my neighbors will surely see me? Am I willing to work entry level in an essential job for which I have no background? Logistics? Construction? Sanitation? Is there any place that I would not work until we can get out of this? That might be the biggest tip I can give you today. It is indeed the deal breaker!
4. Do The Impossible
   Do the impossible? What’s that? After decades of coaching my clients and helping them make ground-breaking decisions, I have rarely ever taken my own advice. Shameful I know! Why was I even working in that recruiting job where I had to be father, babysitter, and camp counselor to young adults to senior age 17-70 (true story!)? Why did I even apply for and take the assignment with the State Government? What drew me to a place where I pretty much knew I would not enjoy it long term? Most times, at least for me anyway, it was financially motivated. I, like many, tried to find the job that paid the most and had the best benefits. I left out a crucial requirement: A job that I would gladly leap out of bed for every day because you loved I that much. Very rare but congratulations if you have found your dream job. These last six months have been wrought with twists and turns without a doubt. I can write a book on this and I probably will down the line. But I learned a lesson that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I can do what I thought was impossible. What is that thing that if you could do it for free, you would do it gladly without complaint? What gives you that kind of joy and fulfillment? What is your dream job? I believe I found mines. (I may have found three of them.) What is stopping you from fulfilling that dream? Is it your geographical location? Is it your own imagination? Is it financial in nature? Is it just simple fear of failure? I don’t know which it is for you but the pressures of life can create the brightest of diamonds.

Life can be so fleeting. The last six months have taught me that if nothing else. I simply refused to let my life be a cautionary tale of what happens when one denies themselves their dream because they fear being uncomfortable. My old mentor (God rest his soul) used this quote all the time and I believe it applies very well in this context.

“The graveyard is the richest place on earth, because it is here that you will find all the hopes and dreams that were never fulfilled, the books that were never written, the songs that were never sung, the inventions that were never shared, the cures that were never discovered, all because someone was too afraid to take that first step, keep with the problem, or determined to carry out their dream.” – Les Brown

I am determined to live in a post-Corona world by living the best life possible. I made plenty of excuses. I used many alibis. People all around us are feeling the impact of this new normal and then there are many around us that are re-inventing themselves and using the flood waters of adversity to rise above their circumstances. Don’t wait for the world around you to make you change. Change your world now! I hope you found this article helpful and insightful. Thanks for listening.

Pass Me Another Brick, Please!

This article is guaranteed to make many of you squirm. It’s also guaranteed to be the premise for a future article and a future episode of my podcast but bears repeating. We want to build our business brick by brick but we also often want others to help us.

I guess I’m not bright enough to realize this but I’ve been dabbling in entrepreneurship for almost 30 years. I was a singer-songwriter, multiple small business owner, producer, published author, business and personal life coach, blogger, and sales consultant. I probably left some roles out for sure. So that means I’ve been asking for friends and family to consider supporting me. A lot. I’m guessing I’m not alone.

I didn’t ask for money. I never asked for donations. What I did was ask for many that I know and trust and love to take a look, to consider, or to pass it onto someone else who has a specific need for said product.

Doesn’t sound too hard, right? This isn’t unreasonable, yeah? Well, it can be the equivalent of pulling teeth for the entrepreneurial adventurer.

Covid-19 impact set aside, it’s difficult to be a business owner. Not because the product isn’t good. Not because there is a huge divide between supply and demand. It’s not even because of the economic climate. It’s because of pure, unadulterated hate. Yep, hate in the sense that we use it in today’s vernacular. Like, “she’s hating on me because I got promoted!” kind of hate.

True story. My wife and I used to sell handmade ceramic art in downtown Charleston. Every night, we had to fight (theoretically) for relevance, not because of the quality of our product but because of people’s perceptions of us. By the end of the night, we were exhausted from answering the same questions with the same derisive tone, “Did YOUUUU make these?”

“Yes”, we replied with near robotic voices, “we made them by hand ourselves.”

Most would look us up and down and walk away in favor of the mass produced, poorly made version instead a few feet away. After a while, we became calloused to the micro-aggressions and just embarked on being intentional about enjoying the moment and the people we got to meet and the stories we got to hear.

In the medium that we worked in, a potential client will walk past nine tables that sell the exact same thing at similar costs. What makes that consumers decide to buy? The saying “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” To be brutally honest, we saw a lot of trash being sold.

Of course, it’s just my opinion. If it was made with straw, with gobs of glue speckled throughout, and a strong wind could tear it asunder, they still have to the right to value it over the work I put into my product. At the end of the day, we can question what someone is thinking, but it’s all about one’s perception.

I’m definitely going to discuss this at length in the near future because we really need to ask ourselves some tough questions. Does it make sense to use nearly all your budget for a more expensive (with recognizable name value) but not better made product and dismiss a sturdier, more quality product (by local small business owner) at merely a third of your budget? It may come down to how that buyer views the business owners specifically.

Sadly, if you have ever ventured into entrepreneurship, you may have already discovered that family treats you like that too. Sometimes people that “know” you (or think they do), they often attach their perceptions of you with what you can do. I’ve personally seen that up close as well.

If I ask you how does the enterprising entrepreneur move from obscurity to relevance, you might say “Hard work” or “determination”. Perhaps. I’ll add faith to that. Lots of it including your faith that your product satisfies a need and maybe YOUR faith in the entrepreneur that with a little boost, they might be able to make a go of this venture. They may just need a little help.

The takeaway if you haven’t already found one? As an entrepreneur, you have to keep going and you have to enlarge your tents and expand your territory. In my mind, I’ve built up enough cache over almost 50 years to have enough support for the reasonably good ideas that I’ve had. In. My. Mind. Thinking someone should be there for you is not a sound business practice.

They can eat with you. They can rest in your home. They can agree with what you say while you’re saying it. But the rubber may not meet the road when you need it to the most. You might be let down that your friends didn’t subscribe to your YouTube channel or your family haven’t donated to your non-profit but you can’t let go. Spread your net further than those you thought were a given to support you. Though painful to consider, they may just see the “business owner” in a way that differs from how you see yourself. Keep the train moving! Spread the net further and wider.

Let me let you in on a little secret that I stumbled upon in the mid nineties that still holds true today. Despite all the substandard products around you that seem to demand everyone’s attention, people, humans, consumers are still and always are attracted to a crowd. If there’s a crowd, we immediately surmise that coffee shop has something good, or that restaurant has some good sandwiches, etc.

One hot and muggy afternoon while selling our wares downtown, we were engaging a couple in conversation. They weren’t interested in buying anything at that moment but they were very interested in what we were doing. They were smiling, laughing, moving their hands, and very interested in hearing our story. We, in turn, we’re interested in hearing theirs as well. Soon, a small crowd began to form around our table. That crowd grew and grew and grew. We began to engage more people who were there listening to our story.

If I remember correctly, even the couple we were sharing with decided to purchase a gift for a relative. That was one of our most successful days. No sales pitches. No techniques or traps. Just enjoying the moment and being authentic. Even other vendors came over to our table to see what all the hubbub was about. They looked and looked and I gather they still couldn’t see it. Can you?

Please continue to follow us at mirrortimewithmistayu.wordpress.com. My company will be producing a second blog and podcast sometime in 2020. Be on the lookout for those exciting new projects! Also, MTWMY will begin to have a new look. Thank you for your patience and also thank you for your support with this growth we’re about to embark on! Thank you all!

At The End Of The Day

Fam, what a week! I can’t point to the weather or the news or any events in my personal relationships. I can’t even blame the 24 hour news cycle. Not sure why but everything that I normally do creatively has got a snag this week. No blog articles. No videos. No networking. Nothing. Nada. Zilch! Having been a writer for over two decades, I recognize writer’s block when I see it. Trust me guys. This ain’t that! So what it is?

Frustrated as this may be because I need to be effective, purposeful, functioning, working…… So when I’m not or unable to, it’s a rough day at the home office. Maybe you get that too? I’m plopped down on the couch after cutting 48,396 blades of grass. I’m spent but I really believe this state that we’re in can sometimes wear you down. You don’t have to watch the local or national news all day to be worn out. You don’t have to be in the house nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to be exhausted with the norm. Anybody can just be flat out tired. Besides, we’re only human, right?

Getting tired is a fact of life. Getting tired during this new normal is life on steroids. This is unprecedented territory and we’re all, to some degree, just trying to figure it out. Some well, some not so well. So…….what are you going to do?

I mean, what will you do when all this is over? This, meaning self quarantine in a pandemic with the threat of a second wave of coronavirus, and millions of people sick and/or unemployed. I know we’re in the heat of the moment but have you ever thought about what you’re going to do? Going to work is one likely response. Going out to a restaurant or catch a movie might be another. Add shopping or catching a flight across the country or hop on a cruise ship and you have a long list of “stuff”.

So are you going to do some stuff? Just fill the gaps of a life spent in quarantine for months. What are YOU going to do? Have you changed during these many months? What are you seeing differently about yourself? What have you learned about the relationships you’ve invested so much into? Have you detected a heightened sense of creativity and maybe even a desire to break out of the norm and do something different, maybe a little scary, but out of the box? Have you experienced so much that, for you, it’s impossible to go back to the way things were? What are you going to change about you?

The lessons for life are readily available for you to glean from. Unfortunate and trying times have an uncanny knack for producing character in us. The day is coming soon. Better to answer the question for yourselves today. At the end of the day, you owe it to yourself to survey the landscape of your today and start reassessing your tomorrow. You can do stuff. Or you can truly, intentionally, authentically, creatively, functionally, and wholeheartedly do YOU.

Heavy Is The Head…

You’d think television viewing would be at an all time high during a pandemic. Strangely, mines isn’t as there’s only a handful of shows I can give full attention to. One is the Netflix series “The Crown”. My love for history plays a small part but I’m infatuated with Masterpiece Theatre, PBS, and dramas from the UK. This one “follows the political rivalries and romance of Queen Elizabeth II’s reign and the events that shaped the second half of the 20th century.” But it’s much deeper than that.

Although Queen Elizabeth II is the primary character, it was hard to look away from her husband, Philip. He had many titles (Prince, Duke, Baron, husband) but he was not considered King. In that monarchy, it was not allowed. His official title was a “prince consort” at best.

Philip’s life of sacrifice really stood out. He was a Greek exile and one born into Danish and Greek royal families but, because of his wife’s status, he was unable to do what he loved or was skillful at, or even what he dreamt about. As a pre-marital condition, he denounced his royal family heritage and their titles. In this new role, he was to stand by the Queen’s side and be seen and not heard. Not my words. His sullen mood and body language was indicative of a broken man and there was little even his Queen could do to help him. The subtle tragedy in this is that they both had immense pressures: both bound by obligation and limited by rules of order and sadly, a narrow understanding of each other’s agony. Does that resonate with you?

Queens, let’s talk.

Can a queen be content with a king that cannot soar, and cannot flourish, or be active, vital ,and vibrant? Is there a benefit for her if he is able to be the best that he can be and conversely, be safe when he is not at his best? In the games of checkers and chess, it is dangerous and most vulnerable for the king to be at the center of the board but it is often a necessity that he is. There is no greater feeling for a King when he knows he has valued by those he fiercely protects and passionately loves.

A king is not a donor of royal seed. A king’s worth goes beyond the things he can fix or build with his hands. A king’s appraisal is more than that of a chauffeur, babysitter, or the doer of unfavorable, undesirable tasks. The world is teaching us a horrible lesson. He may smile for the cameras, shake a sea of hands and never fail to be at your side but his heart may be broken.

If you are privileged to have a King, a really good man, that takes pleasure in providing for you and listens to your desires and thoughts, and doesn’t head for the hills when you have your moments, let him know that you are still on the same board with him and you love and cherish his protection, his prayers, and his support of you. Let him know that you appreciate the slings and arrows he takes every day. Let him know that his scars and imperfections are beautiful in your eyesight. Let that king know he has value. (This may be the first time he has ever heard this so don’t be surprised at his emotional reaction. That’s pretty common for many of us.)

In Samuel Chapter 8, the Children of Israel greatly erred by asking for a king so they could be like all the other nations. This was displeasing to the Lord.

They said to him, “You are old, and your sons do not walk in your ways; now appoint a king to lead us, such as all the other nations have.”But when they said, “Give us a king to lead us,” this displeased Samuel; so he prayed to the LORD. And the LORD told him: “Listen to all that the people are saying to you; it is not you they have rejected, but they have rejected me as their king. As they have done from the day I brought them up out of Egypt until this day, forsaking me and serving other gods, so they are doing to you.

I don’t think I’ve ever met a Queen that didn’t want herself a King. What I have met are Queens that want Kings like their friends have, or so they think. If you have a King after the kind I spoke of earlier, he doesn’t want to replace God in your life like the Children of Israel did in that passage above. In fact, he will likely push you closer to Him. He would never dare try to replace Him. He just wants to know that when you are standing on that board and he is fielding fiery darts from all manner of enemy, challenged with the pressure of showing solid and consistent leadership, greatly concerned, maybe even worried, if he can do this all again tomorrow, he just wants to know that you, the ones he is willing to die for by standing in the center of the board, in this big old, crazy world, have his back and love him unconditionally. In this reality of monarchs and kingdoms, rules and authority, he may just want to know, at the end of the day, under the umbrella of marriage, that he’s YOUR king.

“Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown“……

Sword on top of shield

Weak Made Strong

Inspiration can often come from the strangest places. Today, the inspiration came from an unexpected place.

So the weak person, the brother or sister for whom Christ died, is ruined by your knowledge. Now when you sin like this against brothers and sisters and wound their weak conscience, you are sinning against Christ. Therefore, if food causes my brother or sister to fall, I will never again eat meat, so that I won’t cause my brother or sister to fall. (I Corinthians 8:11-13)

Although I am free from all and not anyone’s slave, I have made myself a slave to everyone, in order to win more people. To the Jews I became like a Jew, to win Jews; to those under the law, like one under the law — though I myself am not under the law to win those under the law. To those who are without the law, like one without the law — though I am not without God’s law but under the law of Christ — to win those without the law. To the weak I became weak, in order to win the weak. I have become all things to all people, so that I may by every possible means save some. Now I do all this because of the gospel, so that I may share in the blessings. (I Corinthian’s 9:19-23)

For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love. For the whole law is fulfilled in one statement: Love your neighbor as yourself. (Galatians 5:13-14)

The verses are a precedence for how believers should treat others, and properly address the weaknesses of fellow believers. In today’s climate, when such weaknesses are identified, we mock and demean them and call them sheep. (Which animal would we be then? Just asking.)

We talk about liberty and freedom like they’re punchlines or a recitation of what someone told us and not what we fully understand. It’s amusing to see so many fight for a history that they don’t even want to understand. They’re so uncomfortable with it that they can’t even engage in discussions about it and they’d rather you “let it go” and “get over it”. (You guys seem the Vauxhh Booker video yet?)

I’ll even go one step further and say that many that claim to believe actually don’t because they said “yes” to a Savior and a faith because they hoped to have a better life and a cushion perhaps, for future behavior, and not because they were in danger and recognized a dire need to be saved. None of this is the Gospel. Think that’s where the problem starts and ends.

How it’s it possible that there’s so many of “us” claiming Jesus is our Lord and Savior but we prefer YouTube conspiracy videos and 24 hr news cycles over reading (and living) His words? How did we get so comfortable attacking our friends in our comment sections just to justify our position, without a thought for the damage we inflict? We’re caught at the strait gate and didn’t even know it. (Matthew 7:13)

In life and maybe in your upbringing, the stronger sibling is supposed to always protect the weaker sibling because of their love for them. Family is supposed to stand up for each other! Family lays down our lives for each other. (John 15:13) Is your stance or position that important, life and death, at the end of the day? Or do you just see yourself and your wants as higher than that of your neighbor?

In an episode of Big Bang Theory called the Space Probe Disintegration, Sheldon surprisingly tells Leonard that he makes compromises and sacrifices for his roommate all the time, much to Leonard’s shock. He lists not telling Leonard that he had lettuce in his teeth, even though everyone was laughing at him at the lunch table and not telling him that he knows how to drive all these years (a task he believed gave Leonard’s life purpose and meaning). At the end of the day, Sheldon calls its sacrifice but neither cost him anything of consequence. Although humorous in that sense, if freedom causes our fellow man to be bound or wounded, would you, at least, consider this may be a misuse of our good fortune.

So before we press “Send”, let’s rethink that next post or article share to let everybody know who you are. (They may never confront you but trust me, they know who you are. If they didn’t before, they do now.) Reconsider that next comment before it goes live. We’re in-fighting about facemasks, beaches, rights, telling “them” to clean up their own community when they want to talk about racial injustice in ‘Merica and people are still dying at a feverish place. Much of what you are hearing is not about country or freedom or liberty. It’s an anti-Gospel and anti-Christ sentiment because His love and His Word is absent and the love of this world is the impetus….We can pretend we didn’t see the Vauhxx Booker video, or conveniently forget about Breonna Taylor, or hope this George Floyd situation just goes away so you can get back to normal. You might not even want to remember Trayvon Martin. You have that right. We have liberty but many of us just don’t know how to wield this powerful weapon without destroying others. The Apostle Paul is teaching us today.

As normal, my intent isn’t to offend anyone. Think of this as me protecting you.

LOVE ME BACK

Our beloved brother, James, has pulled his sword from its sheath. He stares into a crowd of people and he raises the sharp blade and begins to scream as he charges into the surprised crowd.

If you saw this in a television show or movie, your eyes would be glued to the screen, wondering what would happen next. James is not a television character. And this is not fiction. He is a teacher, author, and half brother of the man we know as Jesus. He is also a leader of one of the largest and most significant churches in biblical history. But unlike many of our leaders, he pulled his sword and he is more than motivated to use it. And that he does.

Chapter 4 is one of those chapters that you may never hear your preacher preach or your teachers teach. Is it too difficult to explain or understand? Nope. But it is particularly difficult to swallow and accept.

He starts the chapter off with a question: What is causing the fights and quarrels among you? (James 4:1) Only a grade A fool would raise their hands and point to their neighbor in this moment. James is pointing his fingers at everyone in attendance. He was pointing to the nature of our hearts, even today.

“You desire but you do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” (James 4:2-3)

Can you see application of this in your today? Do you see excessive and bitter contests and in-fighting among those that are supposed to represent Jesus and His Words? And please don’t remove yourself from the conversation because you don’t think you’ve ever killed anyone. If you are confident you have an exemption in this area, check out 1 John 3:15 and Matthew 5:21-22) It’s too common these days to pray for what one wants and promise obedience to God only if He grants said wish…. like a genie? Wow. James is rebuking (indeed) those that turn to the Source of Life so that He can rubber stamp their own agendas, while flat out refusing to submit to His agenda. Hopefully, that doesn’t apply to you. God is not your personal genie!

“We turn God into a divine waiter. He is there to deliver our daydream to us. We touch base with him on a Sunday; we put our order in via prayer; we might give a decent tip in the collection plate. But God is essentially there to give us what we feel we need… and we get furious with him if he doesn’t deliver.” ~ Rico Tice, Honest Evangelism

Let’s be clear. Our default settings always place us at the center of everything in our world and everything and everyone else, including God Himself, comes after what we want, in that order. But we have access to a new download that will initiate a new processing system, new files, and a new way of computing. We have just neglected to do so because we love the “old system” too much. James calls the people “adulterous” because they (and we perhaps) are two-timing God. (James 4:4)

Imagine coming home to find another person in your bed in your house with your spouse. (Put aside your visceral reaction/comments) Why is there jealousy, rage, and anger? Why do you want to slap the fire out of somebody? Why do you want to take it to the physical? Because you are deeply in love and that investment of relationship means something to you. This betrayal cuts to the deepest parts of your heart. God experiences this EVERY TIME we replace Him with someone or something else just to have some worldly pleasure. God is jealous for you. (James 4:5) And still, in ways we may never understand, even after the worst of betrayals, He still wants us back. Love brings him back! Love kept Him on the cross to redeem a cheater and an adulterer and everything else we were and are. We don’t deserve the blessings we have and we do deserve the punishment we will avoid. Remember that God will always take you back. Once you accept that love and receive it into your heart, you’ll never want anyone else. You just have to acknowledge that you want and need it.

“If we are not more emotional over our sin (and our salvation) than we are over our sports team’s successes or failures, the plot twists in our favorite films, our children’s achievements or disappointments, then there’s something wrong – and that something is that we do not appreciate what our sin is, and what it cost…..” ~ Sam Allberry (James For You)

 

Notes From The MTWMY Editor’s Desk

Unfortunately, I’m not at my best today. Weakened, uncomfortable, but thoughtful and introspective so I’m hopeful you don’t mind me being the change I want to see this Independence Day weekend. Thinking about a lot today. Plenty of wake up calls everywhere. We’re learning that the gardens we’ve been sowing our precious seeds in weren’t the best ground. We’re discovering that the fatigue you’ve been experiencing in relationship was because you’re doing all the heavy lifting. Seems in many settings, you’re the only one that cares enough to step out in faith and use your voice to say “no” to the status quo in your world. Feeling a little lonely and even helpless? That might be a positive, Fam!

Do you know why I work to keep MTWMY alive and relevant? It’s because I believe it was a gift given to me that I didn’t ask for or earn. It’s a blessing I otherwise wouldn’t have had it not been given. It’s teaching discipline and sacrifice that grows me beyond my normal parameters. It’s my contention that this blog has value. The labor is worth something. But it should be easier, right? I have friends. But most can’t or don’t want to support this work for one reason or another.

Some think they might get spammed (The lie detector says that’s a lie!). Some think they’re too busy to read an article because they have a life. (Typical blogger stereotype aimed at me perhaps?) Some just don’t find the Gospel of Jesus Christ, self reflection, and all the stories from my life of deliverance, healing, and personal growth interesting. (Well, isn’t that special!). Some won’t support me out of some kind of religious loyalty because I no longer attend their church and I’m not part of the “family”. (Anti-Gospel behavior, folks! Pure and simple!) Not the only reasons, just some.

I greatly care for every friend in every of those categories. I spend time with them. I pray for them. I love them. This blog was written not only for my emotional and spiritual therapy but I labor in this effort too for the friends I didn’t mention. The ones that reach out to me in desperate need of support system, prayers, mature leadership, and just good old fashioned unconditional love. They’re not in healthy places. They’re on the brink at times. They may love Jesus but they’re battling some heavy questions. They want a spouse that will love and honor them. They want a home church that’ll make their souls a priority and not outsource them for a building project. They’re not even sure Jesus/God is real but they know that I’m real. They just want to talk to someone who genuinely cares.

Every article is written for those overwhelmed with life or those compassionate towards the true stories I tell and the people in them. They are supportive of what they see as a genuine gift. So every time I get some correspondence saying “Thank you” for sharing your story. It’s exactly what I’ve been going through for years, that is a sign that this work matters. That’s what keeps my pen in my hand. I’m doing this for a people not recognized yet. A people still in the shadows, yearning for the Light. MTWMY is your blog too. I share this with you and for you. For my friends. All of them.

Where Art Thou?

Ever been in a relationship that you thought was wonderful and then in a blink of an eye, everything went south and you’re left wondering why?

We see one of the most beautiful instances of sweet relationship go horribly wrong in an instant in the third chapter of the biblical book of Genesis. We all know the account and might even disagree on some details but what is clear is that something dramatically changed. The Creator welcomed His Creation into what looked like a sweet arrangement. Adam had it made. This wasn’t like our relationships. It was rock solid. All he had to do was trust his father and not the talking snake. Missed it by that much!

In hindsight, with all the knowledge and insight we now have, it might be a LITTLE easy for us to say, “Well, the creator God made the heavens and the earth. His creation consists of everything, including the talking snake and the guy that listened to his sales pitch. So if there was ever a need to settle a dispute or have an answer given to a question, who better to ask, right? When your children are having a dispute about something, doesn’t one of them come running up to you to ask you if what their sibling said is true? When I was a manager, if someone approached me with a plan or suggestion that I was unsure of, I immediately took that to my boss to make sure I didn’t screw the pooch or even get myself canned. That is what did not happen here. Decisions got made. Fruit got eaten. Managers got pink-slipped.

Once the fruit got eaten and the cat was out of the bag that the owner of the garden’s instructions were not followed by management, Adam and his wife, Eve, hid themselves in the garden. They didn’t feel comfortable in the place that was made specifically for them to enjoy peace and fruitful (no pun intended) relationship. The Creator called out to them “Where you at?” It wasn’t that He couldn’t see them. Of course He could. He is omniscient. What the garden’s owner was asking was “Why did you leave the relationship? Why did you break the arrangement that we had that was working so well? Why did you change your position?”

Ever asked some of the same questions in your relationships? The differences are many but the takeaway here is that Adam (as with all man still today) are being beckoned into sweet fellowship and relationship with our Creator. Religious wisdom says we cannot know God and ever be close to Him. Genesis 3 says that’s exactly what God, the owner of Eden, wants. Well, that was a long time ago. He changed his mind, things changed, they may surmise. Revelation 21:3 says that is still the ultimate goal.

“Then I heard a loud voice from the throne: Look, God’s dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God.“

But somewhere in our quest to enjoy fruitful relationships outside of the intended one, we inevitably hit snags, bumps in the road, mountain sized obstacles. That’s life, some may retort. Yep, it is life. My question is where does that life end and what should I expect after I go through all this bad stuff? Let’s go to Revelation 21:4 we go! At the end of the “day”, God wants to…..

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”

There is more discussion to be had and I would love to have it with you privately if you like but yes, in the meantime, we will struggle…we will fall…we will mourn…..we will desire more……but if we are truly among the fortunate, we will be humbled enough to cry out from outside Eden and ask the garden’s owner two things.

Can you please be with us always? And can we please be with you always? Relationship Goals.

What’s Your Opinion?

MTWMY wants to know what you think. 4 polls. No wrong answers. This exercise will help me to know what you like to read and what you like to talk about. I want to know what my readers want. The results of these polls will help me get closer to that so please don’t be shy and please don’t bypass this. I could really use your help on this. Thank you for your participation.

The Empty Crib

Fam, today, I am endeavoring to be whole. I’m embracing the truth and removing the leverage the enemy of my soul has used liberally against me. (John 10:10a) Thank you, in advance, for your support, comments, love, and your prayers.

Yes, we may have Jesus as Lord. (Romans 10:9-10) We have a heritage and a promise. Still we must denounce harmful behaviors…frequently confess…..often repent, and fight for what’s been given us. Every day, that same enemy wages war against us to kill, steal, and destroy, so we must stand. (John 10:10a, Ephesians 6) So, with that being said, and in the spirit of transparency which Mirror Time strives for, I’d like to share a story of my failure for your edification and my spiritual growth.

I was living on Staten Island in a townhome with my two best friends and business partners. Barely legal but singing, songwriting, producing, trying to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. Pandering in living rooms and studios of the some of the biggest names in music ever! We were consummate hustlers! We hustled everyone, even each other. We didn’t know when to pause. The line was blurred. It was as normal to us as breathing was.

I met this young woman during a ride to an appointment via the Staten Island ferry. She was with her two little sisters. I approached and they were fully hanging off every word I said. I knew I had their full attention. There was something different about her. I didn’t know what but we connected and starting calling each other. I didn’t have any expectations because I had trust and commitment issues. I was just talking and having fun and being young.

I learned she had three children from a prior relationship, and was from a very religious family, in a Christian denomination, Apostolic Pentecostal, I think. Their women wouldn’t cut their hair and wore small doilies on their heads. They wore long dresses too. She wore the same attire that first day on the ferry as well but I walked past multiple scantily clad women just to talk to her.

Within a few weeks of phone discussions, I had met her parents at her insistence and they treated me as I expected. They looked at me like I was a stray their daughter brought home. They grilled me about everything, including if I had any outside kids, then they would glance at their daughter. Dang! They could’ve, at least, told me about Jesus. LOL. That was the only “date” we went on besides a few ferry rides to the city to walk around and maybe get a bite to eat. We talked on the phone for hours at a time and began a physical relationship for several weeks. On a non-rehearsal day, I got a phone call from her. She told me she felt really sick and told me she was pregnant. I didn’t have any evidence but I accepted it.

Should I marry her and have an instant family of six? Was I raising this child Apostolic Pentecostal or Episcopal? Would I be able to live with in-laws that loathed me? Was I going to be ready to be a father when I was just barely legal a year or two ago and didn’t know what a father looked like? How could I support them with no degree and no full time job? I was on a roller coaster and I hate roller coasters. My friends offered advice and opinions as to what I should do but they didn’t want to lose their chance at a music career. I didn’t want to disappoint them if I was being honest. The dignity of regular work was respectable but I couldn’t afford to back out of everyone else’s dream.

The silence on the phone was deafening. I needed to answer but I didn’t know what to say. I really didn’t want her to have an abortion but I didn’t tell her that. I didn’t know if I wanted her to keep the baby because I didn’t have a father or a father figure and I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t screw up another life but I didn’t tell her that either. I didn’t know what I wanted so I did the most cowardly thing I have ever done in my life. I let her figure it out. I didn’t tell her what to do or what not to do. I was Switzerland in this romantic tale. I told her whatever you decide, I’m ok with it. She expressed that she would do anything for me and that she was in love with me. Those words feel empowering in some settings but that day, it was an albatross!

We hung up and I agonized over what to say. I was depressed and anxious. I couldn’t write any songs. I couldn’t even hum a melody and I couldn’t eat. My friends had definitive views but I struggled. I couldn’t sleep and for about a week, we didn’t communicate at all. (That was a lifetime for us and a huge mistake.) I was wracked with shame and decided I was going to call her. How could I explain this to my mother? I was determined to man up even if it displeased others and short circuited my goals. I knew what I was going to say. I wanted to keep our baby and continue our relationship. I wasn’t promising marriage or a home for all of her children but I was open to the idea if that was the right thing. I called her and left her a voicemail telling her not to make any decisions until we talked later. I had a busy schedule that morning so I was going to call again that evening. Before evening could come, I got another phone call from her. Good! She must’ve gotten my message. I was relieved. Yusef is going to have a baby! Wow. Then the showstopper. The mega-neutron bomb. The gut-punch!

Before I can say anything, she uttered three simple and seemingly harmless words but every syllable drew the life out of me and I thought I was having a heart attack. I felt faint and my body went limp at the sound of her voice. I could barely stand. She was elated and excited when she said it. No, the three words weren’t “I love you!” She’s said those to me before.

“I DID IT!”

My hands started to tremble and my eyes welled up with water. I started to stammer, choking on my saliva. It was several minutes before I could speak.

“Baby? Are you there?”, she said meekly.

“What did you do?”, I asked as my knees slightly buckled and I leaned my head against the window, barely strong enough to hold onto the corded phone in my hand. I didn’t want to hear the answer. I knew she wasn’t talking about getting her hair done.

“I got the abortion.”, she slowly muttered.

I think I went into a fugue state because all I could hear was silence even though she was explaining that she made an appointment to have the abortion and it was completed yesterday. It was in the early afternoon but I swear everything went dark. I might as well have been in a black hole. I couldn’t see any light for miles. I was a cocktail of anger, rage, guilt, and remorse. I let out a prolonged scream that was so loud that my insides shook. I thought my brain was going to shut down. I could hear the feet of my friends racing to my closed bedroom door, knocking and calling out to me. I screamed and wailed in a way I never have before. I fell to my knees and dropped my head against my window pane. Within seconds, she began to scream and cry on the other line. I don’t know what she was saying but I could hear the word “sorry” here and there.

“Why, why?” I moaned. “Why, why?”

My mind was everywhere. If I was mature enough to decide in the beginning……if she told me she made an appointment…….called me before the procedure……maybe I could have, would have, might have……What if we took the time to talk about it…..??????

I don’t know how much time past on that phone call but I spent 15, 30 minutes sobbing and dry heaving. I felt like I did something really wrong. I felt so wicked and dirty. I never saw a sonogram or a pregnancy test but I felt like a murderer. I thought I didn’t deserve happiness and I would always live this uncommitted, unfulfilled life and rightly so. I hated my face in the mirror. I lost the energy to live out my dream. I had no expectations. I was a zombie in the horror movie of my life: already dead and it was the best and worst it could be. She apologized profusely and I did the same but I never blamed her. I put it all on myself. We were able to forgive each other but I knew it. We were over. I broke her heart and maybe did more damage than that to her mind. It took decades to get free of the carnage I unleashed on myself. I couldn’t trust again. I couldn’t let myself be committed.

I was starting to hear voices. Sounds of children laughing and playing and calling me “Da-Da”. I was tormented by my guilt and shame. Was it a little boy with dimples and freckles? Was it a little girl with bright brown eyes and a big smile who would love to sing? Was I having twins? Triplets? I’ll never know now. I was co-conspirator in an undertaking I was wholly unprepared for the consequences of. As tears roll down my face and my eyesight is blurried by tears, I tell you today that life is precious. These are the kind of life-changing situations that can change you in unfathomable ways. They leave a mark. They scar. But you can recover. You can be healed.

I am so sorry. I wish I could apologize to her more than I already have. If I knew this would have been, I would kept walking past her on that ride to the city. There were plenty of warning signs that said our relationship wouldn’t last. It’s not like they were hidden. I regret wounding someone because of my selfishness. I regret that this was the legacy I left behind. An empty crib. A teddy bear that will never be snuggled. A bottle that will not be filled with milk. A cry that won’t be responded to by a loving parent. A heart that won’t beat against mines. A little me that will never be.

I don’t know what you are dealing with today but whatever it is that comes in those fleeting thoughts that you just try to ignore, take those thoughts captive. Don’t allow them to take residence in your head and cause you to forfeit your bright tomorrow. We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God (Rom 3:23) but we are being offered life and life more abundantly (John 10:10b). I confess my sin right now in the name of Jesus Christ! I accept His gift today! I choose to live today for the Gift-giver! I want to be made whole!